How time really flies…

last modified: Thursday, November 12, 2009 (8:14:40 AM CST)

Today I finally deleted my blogs from last year.
I’ve spent the last couple of days redesigning this gallery with new images and banners (and annoying your pants off with a plethora of hidden coming soon updates), so I guess it was time to remove the old blogs.

In those blogs I wrote about my father’s death and the decision we had to make in letting him go. Last month it was exactly one year ago that he died of colon cancer at the age of 61.
Not a day goes by that I don't think of him, and I miss him, a lot. But what hit me hardest was realising I haven’t been able to talk to him and tell him about everything that happened to me last year. That it had already been one whole year.

It seems to me that the older you get, the faster time goes by. As if life is also bound to gravity’s rules, accelerating as it goes.
I’ll be turning 40 in 2011…that’s only a frickin’ sneeze away!

I still feel like a child though and maybe that’s the hardest part. The moment shop employees address you with Ma’am you know you’re in trouble. I have a colleague who was getting his first set of training wheels on his little bike when I got my driver’s license. Last week I was visiting the park with my nine-year old niece Bente and people asked me if she was my daughter. (She looks so much like you!)

Yeah, I could have been a mom by now. Do I really look like one?
But how can people see me as a mother when I still feel so much like a child myself?

The prospect of turning 40 freaks me the hell out.
It’s not so much the actual mileage, because my engine has only just begun to purr.
It’s the expectations people have when you reach a certain age that scare me. That everything your grandmother told you back then, turns out to be true. And that you’re the one now telling those things to your niece (who gives you that same look you gave your grandmother back then).

Is it that by losing a parent, a part of the child in you dies as well?

I still enjoy the child aspects of life too much. I want to ride roller-coasters, watch anime and cartoons and argue with my six-year old nephew over which Pokemon is the coolest.

I’m not ready to be considered middle aged.
But somehow the Middle-Age Monster snuck up on me and bit me in the butt.

Time to go kick it’s ass!
Who’s with me?!


Wendy – who wants to be the next pirate king (and who’d better train off that stomach for her one piece XD)